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The New Computer Blues

Lyrics and melody © 1998 by Arlene "Callie" Hills

Y'know I got my new computer the other day,
The guy that hooked it up, he said "it's plug and play."
So I tried to run a program and what did I find,
It asked so many questions, drove me outta my mind!

I've got the
How big's the hard drive, what speed's the chip,
Does your modem handle faxes, is the surge protector lit?
Can your sound card do MIDI, is your printer online
Have you registered that shareware program?
New Computer Blues...

Well, I called up the technician to see what I should do,
but his phone was always busy, I could never get through
and I signed up for a class to learn 'bout gettin' online
'cause I don't want to read manuals till I turn ninety-nine!

I thought that choosin' the computer'd be the hardest part;
why does it ask so many questions if it's all that smart?
So, I called my teenage nephew, who's a self-professed geek
He got it all configured - but it took him a week...

Now the system's finally set up, I can surf on the net,
and my children send me email; and the spam ain't found me yet
but don't ask me 'bout an upgrade to a Pentium 10
After all that I've been through, I'll never do this again!

for Mom, on the occasion of her first ever computer, 23 March 1998

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It was created by Cat Faber (cat(at) It is maintained by Arlene "Callie" Hills (callie(at)